An Alzheimer's Chronical. My Journal Re: Development of Alzheimer's Claude Hart by: Margaret Hart, Wife (as best I can recall ) I first noticed memory problem three years ago, May 1992 when I was in Hospital with a broken ankle. My husband got lost trying to get home after visiting me in the hospital. Then I began to notice that he became confused and could not find his way to a restaurant three miles from home where his Sunday School friends were having breakfast once a month. This began to happen regularly, until he quit wanting to go. Then in February 1994, I went to Texas to be with my sister when her husband died. When I returned after a week, I discovered that he had not eaten the meals I had left for him. He had forgotten how to use the microwave. He had tried to drive to Webster ( Flea Market ) and got about half-way there and could not remember how to go on from there, so he did turn around and returned home. It was then I began to realize that I couldn't leave him alone anymore. He stopped driving his little truck because of his confusion. Then in September 1994 he had to be hospitalized because of blood clots in his left leg. He has a strainer in his abdomen because he can't take blood thinness - he bleeds internally. He went absolutely berserk in the hospital, and has gotten progressively worse since then. Dr. Parks, after a Schilling Test, put him on once a month Vitamin B - 12 injections which he has been on over a year now. He became depressed and he now takes 5 mg Paxil at bedtime for that. He requires Hytrin for Prostate problems. This seems to help most of the time, but I never know what he will do at night. Dr. Soto, at VA Hospital prescribed Haldol, he takes .05 mg of that at bedtime. Seems to help. He was evaluated by the doctors at the Memory Disorders Center at USF, and a report was made to me and my son, John Hart. He is still under the care of his primary doctor, and also Dr. Gold, neurologist at USFMDC. I will attempt in all future notations to try to document the strange things he says and does. he sleeps a lot, some times as much as 15 or 16 hours in a 24 hour period. He cannot remember that his father, mother, brother, and three sisters have been dead for many years. He constantly asks me about them as though they were alive. There are many times when he thinks he still has to go to work, and I have had to ask a neighbor, once to help me get him back in the house when he tried to walk "to work". 4-12-96 I had to go to the bank, and he persuaded me to let him stay home, said he would sit right there and watch television. I was gone longer than I had intended to be, and when I returned, he was walking down the street, already 200 feet from the house, in his PJ's. I won't be able to leave him alone anymore, I never know what he will do. He is registered with the Alzheimer's wanderers program, and wears a chain for ID in case he wanders away. 4-19-96 He came into my bedroom at 1:30AM shining the flashlight in my face and asked "Are you awake? Naturally, I said, "I am now." He went to bed and went right to sleep, while I just tossed for another hour or two. 4-23-96 Today he could not be convinced that he hadn't been driving his truck( sold over 1 1/2 years ago ) this week. He kept insisting that I must know that he was still driving and that I must know where he had left the truck. Frustrating!! but sad, too. I care for him so much. We have been married 61 years the 1st day of June. 4-25-96 Claude took a cold. 4-26-96 What a trying day! It seemed that Claude was especially "out of it" today. When I told him to open his car door so he could get out of the car, I saw that instead of the door handle he was trying to pull the safety belt out of the car. Then tonight he was in the kitchen, while I was occupied in another room. He had poured coffee in the place where the water goes in the coffee pot and turned the pot on. when I tried to clean up the resulting mess I discovered that he had put "Tums" in either the coffee or the pot. What a mess!! 4-27-96 Claude slept all night 4-26-96, all day 4-27 and all night 4-27-96. He only woke up long enough to eat then back to sleep!! 4-29-98 At 1:00AM, I awoke to find Claude up packing up all his things. He had emptied a whole drawer in his chest, packing every sock and handkerchief and whatnot into his shaving kit and a paper sack. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was getting packed up to move to our "other" house. I finally managed to get him back to bed and to sleep. Then this morning he said he couldn't find the "Preparation H". I asked why he needed it and he said he wanted to put it on his face so he could shave. What's next?? Who knows!! 5-4-96 Last night, just before we got ready for bed, Claude asked me if the man who slept in the other bed was asleep. There is no other man, and he says he was there. It is so strange how he sees people who are not here nor have ever been. He still asks about his Dad and brother Jim as though they were still alive. Thank God for friends and loved ones whose prayers will get me through this. 5-10-96 We had my niece and nephew here for a visit tonight. When they left Claude asked where our little doggie was. We haven't had a dog in over twelve years. He said our company had two dogs when they came in. Of course they didn't have any. He insists he saw them. 5-11-98 Tonight Claude really seemed "out of it". He wanted to know what his mother wanted me to do, as though she were right here. She's been dead for years. Then he asked where the bathroom was in "this" house. When I told him it was in his bedroom, then he wanted to know where his bedroom was. then he wanted to know where the people were who were sitting on the couch "a few minutes ago". Of course there had been no people there. He's lost or hidden his wallet somewhere and we can't find it, been missing for several days. 5-14-98 Last night Claude asked where "our little kids" were going to sleep. I asked him how old were these kids. He said about 7 or 8 years old, he guessed. Every night its a regular question. where are you going to sleep? Where am I going to sleep? Where's the bathroom? We did find his wallet last night, under his amplifier where he had hidden it. Wish it had been the one he lost with almost $500.00 in it!! 5-20-98 Last night I reduced Claude's dosage of Haldol from .50 to .25( or from 1/2mg to 1/4 mg ) noticed no difference in reaction to the change. 5-23-98 AM Still no reaction to the change in Haldol dosage. He did get up again in the middle of the night and put his clothes on. PM The Day Care workers said that Claude was very restless today. Kept trying to leave and go "find his tools". I had to go back to his 1/2mg dose of HalDol. 5-24-98 Claude had a restless night. Wet his bed. Had to get him up and into shower, while I changed his bed and put the bed clothes in the washer. 6-7-98 I haven't written anything lately because it seemed to be much the same each day. Sleeping until I make him get up at noon, then eating and then sitting down in a chair and sleeping another three or four hours. Then comes bedtime. He can't find the bathroom, his bed is gone - someone else's bed is in his room. He wants to "go back home". He can't remember that we have lived here almost eight years!! He wants to know when his dad and Jim, his brother, are coming back. They have been dead over twenty years!! Then last night he got up twice in the middle of the night put his clothes on, and it took all the persuading power I could muster to get him to go back to bed. He kept insisting that he had to put up his tools he left outside. When he was working in the yard. He hasn't worked in the yard in three years. We have an appointment to visit the VA Respite care unit this morning. I'm wondering how he will react. After visit to VA Respite care, Claude did not seem to mind to understand that we planned to have him taken care of for two weeks - 6-25-98 - 7-8-96 - even though we talked freely before him and to him. He made one comment on the way home. He said " I don't think I can get back to that hospital by myself." I told him he wouldn't have to. 6-25-96 Well, it is finally done. The day has come to take Claude to the VA Nursing Home Care Unit. John took the day off from work to go with me to take his dad. I thank God that he did offer and make the necessary arrangements to go with me. He was such a blessing. The paper work went real well and we were there for four hours. 8:30AM to 12:30PM. Two of the workers started talking to Claude and they had us slip away while he was eating his lunch and talking to them. Outside the door, I couldn't hold back the tears. It was like leaving a little child in a nursery school for the first time. Just broke my heart. Everyone there assured me that he would be fine. My head knows that, but it is hard to convince my heart. I called several times to check on him, and they say he is doing okay. Thank God for that. I am going to Sarasota for a week's vacation with Hazel. I just pray that everything will be okay. 7-5-98 Just returned home after a week in Sarasota with Hazel, my sister. It was good to be free to rest or shop or whatever, if only, for a week. Of course I missed Claude, but John has been to see him every other day since he was taken to the VA for two weeks Respite care. John and I will pick him up Monday morning. Pray that all is well and he will be glad to see me and not mad at me for leaving him there for awhile. 7-8-96 This morning John and I went to bring Claude home from the VA Respite care. When Claude saw me, we were so glad to see each other that we just broke into tears and embraced as though we hadn't seen each other for months. I think it was more emotional than our reunion after he had been away in the Service. It was a good day for us all day. 7-9-96 How different today was than yesterday!! Claude started in about his truck, then he couldn't find that useless ring of keys. Then after we had eaten supper, he washed the dishes and I dried. I thought everything was going just fine. We went out and sat on the patio and began to talk and really seemed to be having a normal conversation when he said "I guess I had better be getting home before dark." I told him he was home but he wouldn't believe me. He thought he was going home to his mother. I asked him then if he knew who I was. He couldn't remember!! He said it wasn't right for us to be living together. I told him it was fine, that we were married. He said, "No, I am married to a girl named Margaret." I told him that I was Margaret, his wife, but he wouldn't believe me. He asked me if I had any proof that we were married. I had to get the marriage certificate, but he still wouldn't believe. He began to cry the most heartbreaking cries you have ever heard or seen. Then, he began, to cry some more because he had no money. I tried to explain why he had no money, that we had money in the bank and everything was half his, but he could not understand. Things got so out of control that I thought I would have to call John to help me. Then his glasses came apart. The lens fell out of one side. At that time he seemed to get himself under control and calmed down. I told him we would go to the eye glasses doctor to get his glasses fixed because we tried but couldn't fix them ourselves. Then it was bedtime and he was so tired out from all the emotional strain. He couldn't even believe that he and I had been married for 61 years, had three boys, six grand children, and three great grand children! He is asleep now, and it's eleven seventeen o'clock( 11:17 ) I couldn't sleep so I got up to write this episode. Maybe tomorrow will be better God willing. 7-10-96 Today was a much better day!! Still the usual repeat questions and asking where certain of his folks are. They have all been dead for years and I keep telling him that - He just can't remember. 7-29-96 For almost three weeks things have gone along very well. Always the usual questions and answers. Claude had been sleeping at night so I could rest too. But last night!! He woke me up three times shining the flashlight in my face - asking " Are you asleep." He finally went to sleep sometime after 3:00AM. He is still asleep now and its 10:25AM. I'll get him up to eat soon. 8-2-96 Claude was really out of it last night. He kept insisting that there were other people in the house. He didn't want me to have the TV up high enough to hear it because he thought we were disturbing the "other people" who were asleep. Then he came up with "How come these other people let us stay in their house all the time?" Trying to answer his questions and to try to make him understand that this is our house became exhausting. I finally turned off the TV at 9:00PM and got him into bed. He slept good so I got a good nights rest. Now comes the ordeal of trying to get him up and into the shower. Bath Day is quite a project. 8-12-96 Yesterday afternoon and night became another barrage of questions that I did not know how to answer. First he wanted the back garage door unlocked so that he could go out into the backyard. He looked around for a few minutes and then came back in and started looking around. He then asked me where the "ax" was. When I asked him what he wanted with it, he said he needed to chop up a piece of wood. He seemed to become a little upset because I wouldn't tell him where the ax was. I finally got him back inside then he started again about where was his truck. I tried to explain truthfully about the situation but he just became more upset. So I tried to ignore him. He finally settled down and began to watch TV, completely forgetting what had just happened. It was after two o'clock AM before I could get him to go to bed so we could get some sleep. He's still asleep and I've been up since 7:00AM, about five hours sleep, but not uninterrupted. It seems that when these kind of times come around that I get an ache across my upper back and in the upper part of both arms. I guess it must be stress related. 8-27-96 Tuesday Things have been going well for the past two weeks. We spent the past weekend with Jean and Herbert at Hazel's apartment in Sarasota. Claude seemed to enjoy watching the water-skiers and birds. He got along OK away from home. Maybe we will try it again before long. 8-31-96 I stopped giving Claude the Haldol last night. It seemed time to try to get him off it if possible. He slept through the night OK, but he seemed not so responsive today, slept a lot. He became upset with me because I wanted him to take off his good clothes and put on his pajamas. That is an ongoing problem, wants to sleep in the clothes he wears all day. Bath time is still a major project. 9-8-96 Once again (after a pretty good week) Claude wanted to stay up all night. He woke me at 1:00AM this morning - fully dressed even to his glasses! I couldn't get him back to bed so I told him to stay in his room and not wander around. I shut his door and went back to bed and to sleep. At 3:30AM he woke me again, roaming with his flashlight. Then I lost it! I told him to get back to bed. He began to undress and then he says to me " You surely are getting hard to live with." He got back to bed and I covered him up. Its now 7:45AM and he's sleeping like a baby. I just pray that God will give me the wisdom, understanding, and physical strength to take care of him. 9-17-98 Today the VA Hospital called and told me that they could not keep Claude, not even for respite care, because he required too much watching - that he got past their security system and was out on the grounds of the nursing home. They said their facilities were not secure enough for a patient who was intent on getting out. That was a low blow to me, because I was hoping that if the time came when I could no longer care for him that I could place him there. I know that God has a plan for us but right now I am completely in the dark as to what it is. 9-20-96 Last night Claude really gave me cause for concern. I had gone to bed and to sleep when I heard him rummaging around in his room. When I asked him what he was looking for, he said "matches", that he had to burn up something. I never could understand what it was. I finally got him back to bed, and now he is sleeping as if he hadn't a care in the world. I don't know why I keep writing about this - it just seems to give me an outlet for my concern and frustration. Kenneth and Dan do not have the slightest conception of what is going on with their Dad. Maybe if and when they ever read what I have written, they may begin to understand a little. Even John is not around at night when the real problems are so vivid. There will come a brighter day - I just know it!! 10-22-96 6:47AM It's been a little over a month since I have written anything down - Things had been more or less routine with the usual questions and my answers as best as I know how - but - last night was a nightmare!! The burglar alarm woke me at 12:00 midnight. I jumped out of bed not knowing whether it was a burglar or not and ran to shut it off. I was so scared that before I could shut it off, there was loud knocking at the front door. I didn't know what to do, with the alarm still going. I went to the front door and turned the outside light on. When I looked out the glass in the door I saw IT WAS CLAUDE!!! fully dressed even to his glasses. I let him in and then went and shut the alarm off. By then the Brinks people were calling to see if everything was OK. I was shaking like a leaf and tried to tell her what had happened. After a few minutes I hung up and then I realized that Claude was completely out of his head. He thought he had been working and had come back to get a screw driver. I couldn't get him to realize that he should go back to bed, he insisted he had to go back out - he had to go back out - he had left " the man's" phone out of order. I had never been afraid of him before, but this morning - I was afraid!! I called John's house twice to get him to pretend to be GTE and tell Claude that everything was OK now. He finally got so angry with me, because I wouldn't let him out that he sat down in a chair and looked as if her were going to sleep. Then I got him up and then back in bed, still dressed. He went to sleep about 1:20AM, but I couldn't calm down and get to sleep until after I heard the clock strike 3:15AM. That's why I am up so early now. I hope he will be OK at daycare - he has been real restless lately - When and where will it all end?? Only God knows and He will see us through this somehow. It is now 7:13AM. I'll stay up and try to get Claude up in a few minutes. 10-23-96 I started Claude back on Haldol last night. He slept through the night except to go to the bathroom. 10-29-96 I changed the dead bolts on the front door and the kitchen door to double key locks. After the panic attack I went through a week ago it was time to do something drastic. Now he can't get out unless he learns to open the glass doors in the family room. He doesn't know how to open them now. 11-7-96 We went to Hazel's in Sarasota on the 5th. That night he slept OK and he seemed to enjoy watching the boats and the traffic on the bridge across the bay but the next night was a different story! He wanted to "go to work"..."He was needed!"..."There were wires down and he needed to be out there with his crew!" For once someone besides me realized how he was. Hazel could not sleep and she thought several times that she should come in and help but I finally got him back to bed and he went to sleep. 11-9-96 We came back home on Saturday. Claude was pretty good all the time we were at Hazel's except that one night as I wrote above. 11-11-96 Last night was a nightmare again. He was up and dressed and he insisted that he was going to work. I could not get him back to bed. About 3:00AM I finally realized that he could not get out, so I went to bed and tried to sleep. No luck!! As soon as I closed my eyes he was there shining his flashlight in my face. He finally wore himself out and went to bed, clothes and all. He slept late today and so did I. 11-12-96 I finally talked to my doctor about the problem and she told me to increase his Haldol to 1mg instead of .5 mg. I did this and now as of : 11-21-96 he has been sleeping better. At least no more nightmares as yet. I pray that it continues. But I never know when one of his attacks will come on. 11-23-96 Last Thursday night (11-21-96) and tonight Claude just bombarded me with questions so many that I could not get one answered before another one came. Such as "When are we going back to our other house?" We own this one. "How much did we pay for it? $73,000. "How many rooms does it have". Seven. Where did we get the money to pay for it? We sold the last home we had in Panasoffkee. "When is the man going to move out?" He moved over eight years ago. "How much rent do we pay?" None, we own it. "When the man moves out will he take his big clock and the horns?" No, he is already moved, and everything here is ours. "Where does that door there go to?" Outside to the screen room. On and On it went, the same questions over and over and I gave the same answers. He can't remember for 5 minutes. What I tell him. I love him so much. It breaks my heart to see him like this. He doesn't realize what is happening to him. He has gone to bed now (10:30PM) and I hope he sleeps well. 11-28-96 Thanksgiving night - Another awful trying time for me. he wasn't going to work this time, he was asking about where his truck was. When I told him we had sold it, he became very angry and started ranting and raving at me. He said he wished he had never seen me. You can't believe how angry he was unless you could see it for yourself. Hazel and Larry were here and they were very surprised. He never usually acts up around other people - but he did tonight and his anger always follows his questions about his truck. I wish I had never sold it - it is such a bone of contention everytime he remembers to ask about it, which is almost everyday. Hazel and Larry left and Claude went to bed having now forgotten all about his anger! Wonder where it will all end? 12-5-96 Written by Carol Hart on December 4, 1996 Ken and I took care of Dad while Mom had surgery. We let Dad sleep until we had word from Mom's doctor that all was well and she could come home in one hour. We, thanked God all went so well for her. Joan D. went to bring Mom home while Ken got Dad dressed, shaved and ready for the day. I had lunch ready at noon, but Dad would not eat until mom got home at 2:40PM. From the time Ken got Dad up he asked and talked about Mom. Quote: He hopes she would be OK and her surgery was going OK. We became aware that Dad was very concerned about her and knew why she was having surgery. For the next 2 1/2 hours he never talked or asked any questions except about Mom. We kept reassuring him that her surgery was over and she was doing well and would be home soon. When Ken said, "They are here" Dad jumped up and headed for the door. You could see he was relieved she was home. The love in his eyes for his wife was overwhelming. Ken and I have been here since December 2nd and we realize Dad at times knew us, but much of the time he did not. When Dad talked to us about Mom, at times he referred to her a Margaret because he did not know who we were. When he knew who we were he would refer to her as Mom. He has called us and knew Kenneth and me by name only one time since we arrived. He seems to remember our dog and he looks for the doggy when Teddy isn't in sight. That in itself is amazing. There have been times Dad thinks he and Mom are at our house like today, he told Ken he had to wait for Margaret to put him out a clean pair of pants from the suitcase before he could get dressed. He asked me if I liked this house better than the old house. I answered yes again. Mom later told us he asked this question lots of times. I had thought at the time, he maybe talking of his houses or may think he was at our house. Later this afternoon, he came in the kitchen for a cup of coffee. He was opening and closing cabinet doors. When I asked him what he was looking for he said that he wanted milk for his coffee. Bless his heart he couldn't find the refrigerator. So far, he has been good and seems to talk, laugh and enjoy himself with Ken. Mom told us last night she felt that he needed to stay awake and Ken was helping him to do so. 12-7-96 Saturday night Dad thought he was at a hospital. He was sitting on the sofa and he said to Mom. "Wasn't it nice that we were fortunate enough to come here and Kenneth was here too." Dad is very taken with our dog! At times he even refers to Teddy as his dog. Ken and I hope Dad doesn't miss having our doggy around. We had a very enlightening visit. 12-10-96 Last night Claude went to bed about 10:00PM but at 1:00AM I was awakened by hearing him up - he had gotten up, folded all his covers up and had almost all the lights in the house on. Ken and Carol were in bed but awakened to hear me trying to get Claude back to bed. After are hour or so I was able to get him to go back to bed. I got him up at 8:30AM to tell Ken and Carol good-bye. He has slept all day, almost, in a chair in the living room. He went to bed tonight about 8:00PM - I surely do hope he sleeps tonight. 12-17-96 Last night was another nightmare for me - brought on by Claude asking about that darn truck of his that I sold. He became angry and his eyes looked as though he hated me. I was upset myself, having found out that I have to have a series of radiation treatments. The first thing I knew we were both crying and it was very hard to stop. With his short term memory he was able to forget about the truck in a little while but it was several hours before I could calm down. 1-5-97 Sunday About 7:30 this morning - Claude fell out of bed ( or he got out on the wrong side and became disoriented) and hit his head on something. There was blood all over his head and his hand where he was holding his head. He had a gash about 1 1/2" or 2" long just above his right temple. It was hard for me to decide whether I should take him to the emergency room or try to doctor it myself. I decided on the latter. I shaved his head around the wound and put neosporin on it and a large band-aid. I redressed it last night. I think it's going to be OK without stitches. 1-6-97 I leave the night lights burning in both bathrooms and about 4:00AM I woke up to go to the bathroom. The house was dark both of the bathroom doors were closed shutting out the light. I thought "Claude must be in one of the bathrooms but had shut the doors on both." When I turned on the bathroom light, I heard Claude's voice from somewhere in the front of the house or the family room. He said, "I sure am glad you folks finally came home. I locked myself in ;your house and couldn't get out." I am really glad that I had double key locks put on the doors or he would have gotten outside again. Unless a person spends the night and hears Claude when he has these hallucinations then they cannot understand how stressful it can be. Thank the Lord for the good nights when he sleeps through except to go to the bathroom. 1-21-97 Claude's head has healed perfectly. I am so thankful. There won't be very much of a scar. But last night Claude woke up about midnight thinking he was a telephone man again. He had tried to get out of the house to go to work but when he couldn't he awoke me. He begged me to open the door and let him go to work. When I wouldn't let him out he began to cry and say that I was making a fool of him and that he would be fired. We talked and cried together for about two hours before I could get him back to bed. Of course, then, he did not want to get up this morning. he has to so that I can take him to day care, so that I can go for my radiation treatment. Thank the Lord for Adult Day Care!!! 2-22-97 Well it has been a month since Claude had a bad night - but last night he was up - wanting to find tools to fix something. He became very angry with me when I tried to get him back to bed. He threw his flashlight on the floor and just glared at me. I pray that he doesn't become violent with me. I will have to get him up in a few minutes and help with his bath - Bath times are very trying times. 3-22-97 As you can see it has been another month since Claude had a bad night. It happened again about 2:30AM when he got up, put his clothes on, and started fussing about how the telephone Co. was treating him, sending him on the worst jobs when there were young men who could be called to work. he said he was getting tired of it and he just might tell somebody off. You know it is strange but when he has these bad times he can speak and every word comes out OK but when during the day when he tries to talk or ask for something he can't get the right words to come out. Strange!! 4-13-97 Sunday This weekend has been a disaster for me. I couldn't go to Sunday school or church. Claude was real sick yesterday. I discovered he had a fever of 102. He was having chills. I was afraid I was going to have to take him to the hospital but the doctor told me to try to bring his fever down with Tylenol. I called John and he came over to stay with me until we could see if Claude got better. The fever began to break about 10:00PM and we decided t keep him at home. John went home and he said to call again if he was needed. Today has been like a nightmare all day. it's now 9:08PM and I just got Claude to bed. I didn't think he had gone to the bathroom all day but just a few minutes ago I came into my bedroom to get ready for bed and walked in water in front of my typewriter. He had urinated in my metal waste basket and it had leaked out all into the carpet. I get so exasperated sometimes. If it weren't for the Lord and Jesus and the Holy Spirit giving me strength and patience, I think I would lose my mind. Thank you, dear Lord!!! I forgot to write about missing Claude from his bed. He was in his bathroom trying to mop up urine with bits of toilet paper. He had peed in the lavatory and all over the top of the cabinet. What a mess! I got him cleaned up and back to bed. Then I had to clean up the bathroom. I never know what will happen next!! 4-14-97 Monday It finally happened! Claude had an accident with his BM. all over toilet seat, floor mat, and himself. What a mess!! 4-16-97 Wednesday Repeat of the above!! 4-22-97 Claude is having a bad time with stomach pains. This happens almost everyday but today the pain seemed to be more severe - I gave him the Mylanta tablets but when that didn't help, I gave him a dose of the liquid. 4-25-97 Wet bed!!! 4-26-97 Another wet bed!! 5-3-97 Saturday Last Sunday night, 4-27-97, I put "depends" on Claude to sleep in. So far he has not wet the bed this week. He has a hard time getting to the toilet in time when he wakes up - so instead of a wet bed it's a wet bathroom!! But with the help of God giving me strength and patience, we will make it !! Have to get him up now - Linda is going to stay with him today and John is going to take me to Sarasota to visit with Hazel. 5-20-97 Tuesday Things had been going pretty fair since I wrote the last episode - Then - last night he would not go to bed. It was after 1:30PM before I finally got him to bed. Sometime between then and 6:30AM he had taken off the depends (his bed wasn't wet) and went into the bathroom and just flooded the floor. Looks like he didn't even try to use the toilet. All that had to be cleaned up before I could help him get dressed and get breakfast. There is very little he can do for himself. I just pray that God will continue to give me strength - physically, mentally and spiritually. 5-29-97 Another night that was a nightmare. Claude was determined to "fix" something - I never could find out what it was - I begged and tried to get him to bed. I finally did after 2:00AM and getting him to take a sleeping pill. He won't take a sleeping pill. He won't take a sleeping pill if he knows what it is for. I have to tell him that it is a medicine that his doctor told me to give him. All day today he has been "out of it". We went for a short walk after we got home, and he did not want to go back in the house. He said he didn't know who's house it was. Where I unlocked the door, I had to urge him inside. It's a sad time for us. I have started to check out Alzheimer facilities because the stress is beginning to tell on my own health. Today I checked out Beverly Health & Rehabilitative. Center in Brandon - $118 per day - Therapy and medicines extra!! 6-5-97 Thursday There have been two very wet bed nights in a row and a number of others that I haven't written down. This morning he fell out of bed but didn't seem to hurt himself. Tonight, already, he has decided he doesn't want to go to sleep. It's now 11:34PM and I can't go to sleep either. I have decided that I must put Claude in a nursing home. It's just getting too much for me to be a full time nurse, but this is one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. We have been together now 62 years and I love him very much. I am praying for strength to follow through on what I know I must do. 6-7-97 Saturday night, 10:07PM We are scheduled to take Claude to the Hawthorne Care Center Monday morning. I think Claude knows that something is happening. I've tried to get his things together to take but it's not easy. He has followed my every step. Tonight when I was trying to prepare my Sunday school lesson for tomorrow, he sat about three feet from me and just stared at me. Every time I looked up, he had his eyes glued on my face. I pray that God will be with us both. It's going to be a hard thing to leave him, even though, I will be back to see him the next day. Our son, John, is going with us. Thank God for him. He is do dear to us!! 6-8-97 Sunday night - 10:39PM What a day this has been! So many tears, mine and the friends who love us both. So many prayers and so many answers. Tonight about 9:00PM I asked Claude to sit down at the table where each of us eat, that I needed to talk to him. I asked and God answered right away, my heart was so full of sadness and love for Claude, that I couldn't bear to be taking him to the care center without trying to explain to him why it was necessary. I talked to him as though he was OK (That's what God told me to do) and Praise God, he listened and responded as though he was OK!! He, Claude, said he understood. Thank you, Lord!! 6-9-97 Monday After the day of tears and sadness yesterday, God gave me peace and assurance that the decision I had made, together with our boys and many friends, was the right one. John went with me to take Claude to Hawthorne. The day went well, there were few tears and many smiles and Claude seemed happy enough to be there. When we went to leave Claude kissed me good-bye, gave John a hug and we left on a happy note. 6-10-97 Tuesday What a difference from yesterday - It is now 2:00AM Wednesday morning and I have not been able to close my eyes to go to sleep. I am filled with guilt feelings. I have prayed for peace but as of yet there seems to be none. Claude was despondent today - wanting to go home, and having a bad time (a very messy time) with his BM. It was awful. He won't tell anyone where he needs to go to the bathroom so he just gets messed up. At 11:00PM I had cried so hard that I decided to call and see if he was OK. The nurse assured me that he was, but I still can get no peace. She said that he wouldn't eat any supper just wanted to find his wife. So here I am writing to relieve the pressure. I know God loves me and will give me peace. I just have to be patient. Praise Him! 6-12-97 Thursday AM What a difference a day makes!! Yesterday was a good day and I slept like a baby last night. Thank you, Lord! Praise your name! Thursday PM(4:30) Today was a good day as our visit counts but Claude kept wanting to "let's go to our house!" So many times!! Almost makes me wish I could bring him home but I know I can't. I do pray that he will soon get used to being there. Maybe then it won't be so hard to leave him when I have to come home. 6-14-98 Saturday AM Yesterday started off on a good note. We walked around the building and talked listening and watching the young people helping and entertaining the old ones. After lunch was a different story. He put in to go home and nothing would appease him. I couldn't get away from him to come home. He became very angry. The staff are very understanding and we conned him into a moment when his eyes were off me so that I could slip away. I cried many tears and became depressed myself. I called the home about 7:00PM to see how he was. Ruthie, the nurse, said that he was OK at this time but that Doctor Cordon happened to be there and allowed them to give him a shot of Haldol to calm him down. They asked me to stagger the times that I came in so that he would not get used to knowing just when I would be there. I decided that I would not go in today, unless they call me to come in. John said he planned to go see his dad today. John is having a rough time too, his dad and me and problems on his job. We both need a lot of prayers, and praise God. He is always there for us. 6-15-97 Father's Day, Sunday AM John went to see his dad yesterday. He said that Claude didn't mention my name. I had stayed away on advice of his caregivers. I hope to see him today (Sunday) God willing. 3:15PM I did go to see Claude this afternoon. I went after Sunday school and we had a nice lunch together. We walked quite a bit and then sat down to rest. claude fell asleep and I slipped away - very different from the time I had last Friday - Thank God!! 6-17-97 Tuesday I went to see Claude yesterday about 2:30PM. It seems that I may have to move him to a more secure place. He keeps opening the doors and setting off their alarms. Nikki, the Admittance Director, said that it wasn't safe for him there unless he adjusted soon. When I went to leave him yesterday he kissed me good-bye at the nurses station and I thought he went into the activities room. On the way out I stopped to talk for a minute and an alarm went off. I told this person that "it's not Claude this time, he's in the activities room" Guess what?? He cut through the courtyard and beat me to the front door. It was him!! Only the Lord knows what will happen next. I wasn't going in to see Claude today but they thought it might be better if I did. I got there about 3:30PM, and I noticed that his feet and legs were very swollen, especially the left one. We finally got him to lie down and raised the foot of the bed. I slipped out when he went to sleep and came home. He only slept abut an hour and is now up on his feet again, I just called the nurses station. I don't know what it will take to control him. He needs to stay off his feet. I guess the only way to do that is for me to stay with him all day. Only the Lord knows if I will be able to take that for long. 6-19-97 Thursday AM Yesterday was a hard day for me. Claude's legs and feet are still very swollen. He is supposed to have an ultra-sound for his legs this morning. I hope and pray that there are not blood clots. I spent most of the day there and came home around 3:00PM. An hour later they asked me if I could come back. Claude was intent on getting out - he wouldn't take his medicine and was becoming belligerent. I went back but he had calmed down by the time I got there. I got him to take his medicine and eat some of his supper. I got him to lie down and put his feet up to try to help ease the swelling. Came home about 7:30PM. I slept well last night for a change. 6-20-97 Friday AM Claude had a very bad night last night. He was up all night opening the doors to the other residents' rooms. He fell out of bed but they think he is OK. They called me this AM at 7:07AM. The ultra-sound they made of his feet and legs showed "Thrombosis" (Clots I reckon). I have an appointment to see Dr. Samy with him Tuesday. Unless they call me, I think I will stay home today. I slept well from 11:00PM until 7:07AM. Dr. Cordon has ordered x-rays to be sure that Claude is OK. Claude was sent to the ER this afternoon around 2:00PM. They called me and I went to be with him in the ER. He was admitted to the hospital for tests around 6:00PM. 6-23-97 Monday, 11:55PM Almost midnight and once again I am unable to sleep. Claude was sent back to Hawthorne after three days in the hospital, and many x-rays, cat scan, and Lord knows how many other tests. He had an EEG (Neurologist, Dr. Zala, ordered that). Dr. Samy was called in abut the swelling in his legs. He had the nurse wrap Claude's legs in Ace bandages from his feet to his groin. Medicare has now taken over the nursing home expense for 10 days. That will help some financially. I pray, in the name of Jesus, that God will soon ease the burdens on my heart. I just ache for Claude, and what he is going through, mentally and physically. Me, too!! 7-4-97 Friday 8:15AM Claude was transferred to the new Beverly Care Center that opened up a new Alzheimer's Unit on July 1st. Claude was admitted on July 2nd. Linda went with me to take Claude to his new "home". We had lunch with him and stayed until after 3:00PM with him. He seems to be more adjusted at the new place - So far there are only three patients in the unit. Larry and I took Claude's recliner and some pictures and his TQ scrap books ahead of time. I have been to see him everyday but one since he has been admitted to a care facility. Maybe he is adjusting better than I am! It's very lonely at home without him. Margaret W. Hart 219 Kings Row Seffner, FL 33584 (813)654-7184

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